Goal setting for 2014 is proceeding nicely. Admittedly, this does not come naturally to me and it takes me a while to get the process started meaning that I really have to rack my brain for weeks before I nail down measurable and realistic goals. Race time goals are the easiest to get onto paper so those are usually the first ones to roll out. It’s interesting though that this year there are more non-running goals on the list than running goals but I was inspired after achieving my chin-up challenge target over this past summer. Here’s what I have:
1. Learn to swim “for real” (pool and open water)
2. Improve my stand up paddleboarding skills
3. Revisit rock climbing
4. Complete 15 road, trail, and/or obstacle races
5. Run one 1:50 Half Marathon
6. GoPerformance Assessment Score of 450 or above
7. Cut myself some slack & stop being so hard on poor little Alison
Number 7 is going to be the biggest challenge for me. I would even go so far as to say that the other goals will be a walk in the park compared to Number 7. I’m going to let you in on a little secret (shhhh)…on the outside I hold myself out to be an independent, accomplished, and self-confident woman but on the inside I am constantly tearing myself to shreds.
No exaggeration, I give myself grief every waking hour of every day. I’ve struggled with poor body image and destructive internal dialogue for as long as I can remember. I have a hard time admitting it and I hide it very well (at least I think I hide it well) but no one in the world could ever be more critical of me than me. I could stand in front of a mirror for days and point out every flaw I see and everything I want to change but if you were to pose the question of what I like about myself, I promise you I would draw a blank.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I feel that I don’t have value (I would never be cool with anyone else saying these things about me), but I am always so focused on the things I cannot do that I am totally blind to what I have accomplished and can’t see the good in me. I truly am my own worst enemy.
Now, I have gotten better about this over the years but I really need to cut it out effective immediately. I would never let anyone treat me or my friends/family the way I treat myself and that is no longer okay.
It’s time to evict the gremlin, finally make peace with myself in 2014 and (hopefully) accomplish a few other awesome things along the way.